Soooo.....I'm 10 months into this lay-off thing.
When I first found myself jobless, I wasn't that freaked out. Strange, I know, but I really thought that I was on the cusp of a new chapter of my life and that the sky was the limit.
"God has something for me to do," I've been telling folks. "And I guess he felt that my job was getting in the way."
Almost immediately, I began making plans. (What can I say? I'm a planner.)
Finally gonna make a full-time go at my Mary Kay business, I said, get loads done around the house, lose the 50 lbs that I've been wearing like a fat suit for the past decade and run my first mini-marathon.
But last week, as I noted the looming birthday of my unemployment, I was frustrated.
Status Update:
Mary Kay career: progressing, but not as fast as I'd hoped.
Home improvement: Ummm...yeah, there's been none of that happening. In fact, the list of to-do projects has actually grown.
Weight loss: Stuck at the halfway mark and off the training wagon. I've missed - count
'em - TWO marathons since last summer.
After throughly enjoying my pity-party, I had to be a big girl and own my ish. It would seem that, despite thinking that I was moving on, I have, in fact, been in a holding pattern.
Finally, I know now that at no time should I expect a movie-like scene to unfold where my old boss comes knocking at my door and, in the midst of sobs, explains that thousands of my sources and those touched by my work are picketing the paper.
"We've promised to give them free subscriptions, gift cards, even let them come inside to watch the Pegasus Parade from the fourth floor conference room. Nothing has worked. After all this time, we're afraid they're gonna tear the place down." he says. "We made a horrible mistake. Please come back."
Faith the Dog has always hated weepy displays. Embarrassed for him, she heads into the kitchen. The cats, Robert Earl and Mia, stay put, waiting to see how it all plays out.
I hesitate. "Well....."
"With a promotion and pay raise, of course!" he says.
"Let's try it out and see how it goes," I say.
And......scene.
Reality check: for all intent and purpose, my career as a traditional print journalist is over.
Done. Finished. Gone.
I loved what I did for a living. Okay, not always the environment or all the people I worked with, but the job itself. Most journalists worth their salt don't do the job to get rich. They do it because they're idealists who believe that being a watchdog for the public is a job that makes a difference.
I too believed that. Still do. Guess that's why I've been so nostalgic. It's hard to let go of that sense of purpose.
Another Reality Check: SCORES (and yes, I know how many people consitute a score) of people have commented on how much better I look, sound and act since leaving the pressure-cooker that was my gig. Some people actually haven't recognized me. Some know I've left the job, some of them don't.
All of them see change - the future.
So now, I've decided to look forward too. Full-time.
It sounds cocky to say that I'm sure of my success, but oh well. I am sure of success.
As part of that effort, I will be a much more diligent blogger. I want to write more, in part, because it's cathartic. Also, because I want to share this journey with you.
How about it? You game?
Cool. I'm looking forward to telling my story. :)
